Everything was bright.

I told myself that if I see winged people with harps around here I would’ve mistaken the place for heaven. I was sure that I was walking but it felt like my feet’s hardly touching the soft ground. I looked up and I could see stars, rainbows, and hearts which looked like paper cut-outs except that they were sparkly and seemed to follow me. I continued with my strolling, still appreciating the magical and wonderful things I see along the way.

After a while of treading the same path I started with, the wind began to get cold and blew harder than before. The sky is getting darker, I see the fog closing in, and rumblings are heard from afar. I squinted my eyes as I tried hard to see through the mist so I could move forward with my “journey”.

I was surprised with what stood before me:

A CROSSROAD.

Yes, along this beautiful highway is a crossroad which just shook my senses. There aren’t even road signs that would tell me where each new path is headed, just the obvious fact that one goes left, the other goes right. I breathed deeply and tried to figure things out. By the time I thought I’ve collected myself, I picked up a chalky stone and marked the intersection, just in case I come across here again. Then I moved toward the path to my RIGHT. Right just sounded better.

I continued with the course. The sky turned blue, the sun warm on my skin again. I saw the same “magical” things and ran into new, more interesting things as well. Butterflies, more sparkles, garden of flowers, smell of freshly-cut lemons, and there’s music too. I was enjoying the bliss of everything around  me when suddenly, a cold wind touched my face. Darker skies, ramblings and fog followed. And just as I was expecting it, there stood another crossroad.

I looked for a mark, there wasn’t. Surprised and nervous I told myself, “Something new.” So before I went on, I marked the new crossroad and chose right— once more.

There is something about choosing this path that makes me feel stronger, bolder.

So it just went like that for long, crossroad after crossroad. Sometimes I would come upon a marked intersection too, I would put another mark to tell how often I come across it. And as always, I’d choose the “right” trail and the nice, wonderful things would reappear. I was happy about the choices I was making.

There would be times that I would stare at the crossroad longer than usual, trying to zoom in on what the other road may bring. But I would quickly shrug off the curiosity and just continue with my “path-always-chosen”, and I would be proud of myself.

As I carry on, I noticed the crossroads appearing more often, shorter periods of stars, sparkles, butterflies and rainbows. The cold winds icier, fogs thicker, rumblings louder. But no matter how terrified I have become, I still face each crossroad, mark it, and continue with my course.

Whenever I encounter an intersection with multiple markings, I can’t help but ask myself, “Why am I here again?” At times I’d set one foot on the other path thinking it would change the course of things, but I’d be too scared to continue. So I’d settle for the usual, familiar trail wondering if it’s really getting me anywhere near the place I wanted to be.

So why was I making the same choice over and over again?

Maybe that’s what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all… Love is the sum of our choices, the strength of our commitments, the ties that bind us together. — Emily Giffin

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I’m facing another crossroad now and I’ve been looking at it ever since I can remember. It’s heavily marked, almost very familiar. My usual path waiting to be walked on, the other path waiting to be discovered.

Then something played in my head, more like a dream:

In the dark, I see you standing before me. I felt like vomiting, but I forced the bile back trying to maintain some control. “I will choose to love you more,” I heard myself telling you repeatedly.

Until I could no longer hear myself say it..